Saturday, December 26, 2009

I'm only human....

and sometimes it still hurts..... a lot....

I wish I can say more but I just can't... I have to stay strong.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy :)

Despite some of the bullshit I've been going thru this year I can finally say that I've learned so much about myself and that I'm finally back and comfortable in my skin and HAPPY. One thing that most of us seem to misunderstand at times is that happiness comes within, its inside you and what happy means to me is going to be different from what happy means to you. Others can't make you happy until you yourself find that within. Not your family, your man, your friends, or anyone. It all depends on you and how you define it for yourself. I can finally feel it again, although this might sound cliche to some of you, I feel like my prayers are finally being answered, and I do believe that each and every one of us has a purpose in this life.

On a lighter note although very much in relation to this topic, I've been dying and I mean really dying to go to the Lady Gaga concert since this weekend when I found out the show was this week!!!On such short notice I started to search for tickets and no luck at all everything was sold out. I wanted to go so bad. So last night my best friend tells me that she met a new friend and he is giving her 2 tickets to Lady Gaga concert for today! I literally almost fell off my chair. Believe it or not we went to the concert today and its was phenomenal. She's such a creative, interesting, and overall amazing artist. Our seats were great, and even better a huge star was sitting right behind us. To make the night even better I received the special edition Lady gaga everything booklet with her cd's, pics, posters anything you can imagine was in it! Thank you again V, this was amazing!

The point here is that, when you want something really bad and its genuinely coming from your clearest thoughts you attract it and it just happens, just like this. It's part of the attraction principles of life but that's a whole different topic, that I might get into in later posts. This can happen with anything or anyone you attract things, situations, people, so on and so forth, with your energy. Of course there's also a greater power that hears your prayers, for those of you who believe . Anything is possible depending on how bad you want it and how much effort you put into achieving it, it will happen.

Keep it positive and most importantly keep it moving! Life is too short, live it to the fullest and enjoy every moment of it, even during the bad ones because sometimes before it gets good it has to go bad. Without lessons that we learn almost everyday, life would be meaningless.

Goodnight, thanks for everyones support and to all of those who read my blogs. Love you All!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Expressing the moment.....

I'm not sure where this is going to go but I just know that I want to write. A million things go thru my mind daily. Some positive, some negative, thoughts about my new year, the goals I want to achieve, the target I want to have, my love life, my family problems, my friends, my future, my problems that I want to solve.

Sometimes I'm motivated and want to do the best for myself and at times just by seeing one small thing or hearing something that can disappoint me and I lose my focus. Same way one tiny incident or a few caring words from someone even a stranger can pick me back up and throw me back on the train of motivation. It all depends on your surrounding and the people you choose to have with you on the path to a brighter future. It's difficult cutting certain people out of your life but at times its the only choice you have to have a better life. Starting the new year thats one of my resolutions to keep only the positive people around and get rid of all those who are obstacles.

My future is something that I strongly think about everyday. I want to have an amazing career that I enjoy and love and make a great living for myself. With that I also want to eventually meet the man who will love me for who I am and enjoy every part of me. My best friend and I were just having a conversation today about how we'd love to meet that one man who will put a smile on our faces and just make us happy. The big question is always "when do you think we'll be married, when will we meet the one?" We watch all these shows and films where we see this incredible romance between two people in love, which is of course edited for effect by a bunch of professionals to make us believe something that doesn't always exist. But if we can at least get close to that edited for effect version somewhere in our reality, that would mean happiness. If you have faith and believe in love eventually it will creep up on you in the most unexpected time. So don't give up V, eventually you will be with someone who loves and adores you.

Life is like a puzzle of pieces that we eventually want to put together and see the picture,but sometimes its never ending and even if we one day put that puzzle together, we usually lose some pieces along the way, but that's life . We have to eventually find those pieces again in a new place, hopefully a better one and keep moving forward.

Friday, December 18, 2009


Secrets... do you have any? Of course you do everyone does and its ok. It could be good or it could be bad, there are so many different ones. After looking at several art books by Frank Warren called PostSecrets I began to realize that there are def. more than a couple that I can relate to.

It's amazing to see all these post cards with all these secrets from people around the world. It makes you realize, learn and look even further into the idea that we're all so different yet so the same because we can relate to so many of the secrets that others have. Some secrets come from fear, loneliness, happiness, regret, etc. These people are anonymously sharing their secret with the whole world, so it becomes public, but thats the irony in this whole project and its what makes it so interesting and compelling. It's when art and spirituality come together, its one of the most interesting books/projects I have come across in a long time. I know I have touched on this in a previous blog, but I do truly encourage everyone to check out either his books or his website and you'll see for yourself what difference it will make in your life, in a positive way.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Journey to Happiness.....

Lately I've been concentrating on being happy and I'm finally on my way to that journey. Remember happiness is a voyage not a destination. It's important to remember that in the end of the day its all about you. Keeping positive is a great way to start your journey to happiness.

Try to concentrate on all the good things in your life and ways to keep them that way or even make them better. As for this month I'm super excited about the new work I've been into lately which is Styling and all the pros and cons that come with it. It's FUN! I'm also super excited about the NYE party my friends and I are putting together. Got all the decorations today and its going to be beautiful. This year its better to keep the celebration on an intimate level. It going to be glamourous and I can't wait.
If you're going big this NYE please be safe and careful, tis not the year to do big but its all about you and what you make out of it! Don't forget to make all your NYE resolutions and stick to them. It's all about making goals and working towards achieving them. Some of mine are to keep searching ways to find an amazing career this coming year, go to sleep earlier, be nicer (sometimes lol), accept people for who they are more than I have before, and just be HAPPY! 

I want to wish everyone to have an amazing 2010, make those resolutions whatever they may be to you and follow your DREAMS! 

Monday, December 14, 2009


Yesterday was a long interesting day with lots of lessons. Remember that everyday that you live you always learn at least something. My day started off pretty sad I must say it was raining and I wasn't really in the greatest mood but I went with my friends for a little sample sale shopping when I got home my spirits were still down, I set myself to think positive and move forward with the day.

I went to have lunch with my mom to tell her something I was keeping from her for over 3 months. I broke up with my boyfriend over a week ago and she had no clue that were even ever back together in the first place and I had a big health scare several weeks ago and I was in and out of the clinic and my mother was very stressed out and she had no clue who was the cause of all this. I finally opened up to her and told her the truth . It was by far the hardest thing to do, but I had to, I've never lied to my mom before. She wasn't happy with the news because she knows that my ex was terrible to me but thats all in the past now, like I said in my first blog on here, he's now a stranger I don't ever want to encounter or even engage in any kind of conversation. The pain and hurt this person put me thru is something I don't wish upon my worst enemy if  I was to ever have one. Nonetheless, I wish him all the best and I hope he finds help in all the areas he lacks and maybe finally become a civil human being.

Further into the day, I went to work and after met up with my friends to watch "Up in the Air," at the movie theater I ran into my doctor whom I used to work for over 4 yrs, it was my first real job. I must say we had a falling out but I'm very thankful for everything I learned at that job because I carry it with me now and am thankful for the lessons. Let's get back to the film. It was amazing, and I recommend for everyone to check it out. It's a film that makes you think about life, the importance of everyday, the values you carry with you, the difference in every person and the reality is that none of us are the same. We may be physically alike but we all see life and happiness in a different way, we are all our own person. Some of us believe in marriage others don't, some of us want this life and others want that kind of a life, everyones definition is different and you know what that's okay, it's what makes us all so interesting.

The most important lesson of yesterday was that without my friends I wouldn't know what I would do. I'd like to thank all of you who have stuck it out with me thru thick and thin and I appreciate and cherish every moment that I have with you. And when I'm so enthusiastic when I'm with you guys its because I really feel that way and I'm happy to be in your presence. Thank you J and S for yesterday all the input you gave me was very powerful and helpful.

Life is too short to dwell and stress over past obstacles in life, the only way is to move forward and look towards the future. Appreciate what you have and you will learn to achieve more. Live to the fullest and enjoy every moment in your life. Stay positive and you will all be fine, I promise.
Goodnight and G-d Bless.

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Just got home from a 16 hr work day at 3 different jobs. Two of them aren't that important just bill payers. But the third one is quite a new thing that I decided to take on. Since I'm into fashion I'm taking a shot at Styling, personal and photo shoots. So I've been assistant a Stylist for several shoots now. It's pretty interesting and fun and I'd love to do it as my professional and eventually make a good living. Art is what lives in me. I love ART all sorts of art and without it I don't know what the meaning of life would be.
Anyhow I met the talent for the shoot today, cute guy from a big movie, great body but he was so concerned about being on a diet and even possibly using diet pills to get his body into better shape and get rid of the fat as he said. He was ripped, great figure no fat at all. It just makes you think what this hell hole HOLLYWOOD does to people. They insert this image into people that they have to be immortal and perfect like a doll. It's terrible we're people none of us are perfect and thats what makes us all so unique and different. If you live in this town please try to stay true to yourself. I've done it and I've lived here for more than 15 yrs now. If I can do it so can you.
G-d Bless, Goodnight

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thoughts for today...

Lets see today I saw something well actually came across something I read that should of made me upset but it didn't at all it actually made me feel better? is that weird ? A person just out of a horrific relationship should of been upset but I was happier  than ever. Strange mmhhhh but def. a positive thing. 

On another note my friend just gave me this book as a late birthday gift its called PostSecrets by Frank Warren. It basically post cards send from all over the world with peoples secrets and its all anonymous and this man put them all together into a book, its brilliant. You read these peoples secrets and you can relate to so many and those you cant relate to you almost feel like you know the people that write it, its so personal and teaches you so much about yourself. It's really an amazing book and a quick read with a great message. I def. recommend it. I believe he has about 5 of them, I'm really interested in getting the others. 
It's interesting how reading a book can change your life in some way or even a quote, its powerful.
Think about it.....

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What if.....

Do you ever wonder.. what if you lived in another state or even another country, what if you were a doctor, a celebrity, a singer, a lawyer etc. It all a fantasy we all have.
I always fantasize and try to imagine my life so different. I always wonder how it would be if I just left  everything behind and moved to New York or even Paris how would my life be, and what would I be and what career path would I choose in that predicament?
It all imagination and how far you can take it to actually make it a reality. It's an interesting concept.
However, normally if you actually follow your fantasy and try to outlive it, you learn thats its quite different from what you've imagined, but its still an amazing experience. To dream and dream big is a great thing to do and it only helps in general to turn your positive thoughts into actions. (I'm not talking about the what if's from your PAST.... only towards the future, theres a huge difference).
So whether its a big or small what if ...try it and see what happens. It should be very interesting and you'll def. learn something about yourself in the process.
Goodnight and G-d Bless!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Deja Vu ... A blog I wrote on Myspace over a year ago... Wow.

JUNE 10,2008 from MYSPACE
The Aftermath of a Break up of Two people Still in Love 
Four walls surround me as I sit in this room full of thoughts that need to be let out. Thoughts of love, someone I love and probably always will. 8 days later I sit in my apartment that we both shared with one vacuum box filled with his clothes as the only reminder of him. Silence rings in my ears as I come to realize that he's not here. He's somewhere else now, because I kicked him out. Not in the living room, where I haven't been since he's been gone, we spend most of our time in that room of the apartment, not next to me in bed when I wake up, not in my presence, just somewhere else, perhaps a friend's house.

     As a storm erupts in my eyes I sit here thinking why this happened to me and why its hurts so bad in the organ that produces love. What is love? Its indescribable, it's an extraordinary feeling that no one else can feel accept for you. Love is different for every person. Love can make you be a fool, be blind, be happy and hurt all at the same time. 

     I'm hurt and I want to rip my feelings and thoughts out of my system and just relax, but its become a burden on my shoulders. I was the best thing this guy had in his life. I did everything that I should have for him as a girlfriend, best friend and part of his family and much more. Was any of it valued ?I don't know, as of right now it doesn't seem that way because if it was valued he'd still be here. One day maybe something will come over him and he'll realize that I could have been the one, who at one point turned his whole life around. As for now I'm left here wondering how can I be left for something such as partying and alcohol, and some kind of stardom? Could that be more important to a man a boy in this case, than love? After the million "I love you's" along with "Will you marry me," Keep in mind he's 25.

     As I hear the clock ticking I wonder will he one day be back in my life as my companion or will one day I have to finally come to forgive him for all that he's put me thru? Only time can tell… that word that we all sometimes hate to hear "time"

     One must wonder, why did I choose this guy to be my boyfriend? It's a simple yet complicated answer. He was a friend of a friend whom I got to see pretty often although I never paid much attention to him he observed every move that I made and fell in love  with the real me. There are a lot of sides of me, the bitchy me, the sophisticated smart me, and then me that's a bit different from most, some people call me unique.

     On his third try a friend of mine convinced me to finally give him a chance, so I went for it for what reason I don't remember, it might have been spontaneity. And from then on, we became a couple, a pretty good one. I mean third times is a charm right? That's a joke. We were happy for a while, he more than I because he finally got me. The girl that he once told his father before we started dating, he was going to marry. It was a fairytale alright that turned at some point after the 10 or some break-ups into a nightmare. It was definitely a rollercoaster ride, but who knows maybe if we're meant to be together, our paths will cross again after all.

To be continued….

People Don't Change

One thing you have realize is that people don't change. If by any instance they do its for a short period of time and they usually relapse and go back to the way they were before. You have to either accept them for the who they are or just cut them out of your life.  If anything at all they just GROW to be a better person, that's the most that can actually happen. I've learned that even if you try to change someone you can't you can only teach them a lesson and hope that they learn from it and grow thru the process.
This can relate to anyone, a friend, a family member, a lover etc.

When it comes to friends its a bit easier, although not always because if you're unhappy with their friendship then you just cut them lose and move on because it simply shows that they shouldn't have been your friend in the first place. If there is a lack of respect between 2 people they shouldn't interact.

With family members its gets a little difficult because we tend to accept them as who they are no matter what because they're blood relatives, of course not in all cases. But remember that family is very important and if you can help them GROW you're basically helping yourself as well, they are a part of you, and in most cases will be there thru thick and thin.

With a lover, if a person promises you  the world, and promises you to change and be a better person its usually all words with no actions to follow. I'm speaking from experience. You can sit there and fantasize about oh how he or she will change and make you happy again but its really not about you, its about them. You can't do anything to change them you can either wait for them to grow or let go. Yes of course you can teach them things and hope that someday it will make them a better person but none of it is guaranteed. You can just be thankful for the lessons you've learned thru the relationship.

The point is that you cannot change anyone and no one can change you. You are who you are and people can either accept it or move on. However you can become a better person thru growth but its all on you and how you want to take the next step to being a good friend, lover, sibling, son, daughter, mother, father, etc.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

just thoughts.... after being in a trap

Hi everyone this is my first blog, I haven't really wrote one in quite a long time. I'd like to express myself by revealing my feelings and thoughts from time to time. At this time I'm going thru what you can call a revelation. I've realized that the person I was dating on and off for 3 yrs now has turned out to be a complete stranger to me. I know him inside out probably better than he knows himself but I'd prefer for him to be a stranger from now on. Although we've lived together for about 2 yrs the whole relationship was pretty much on my shoulders because i was the head of the relationship unfortunately because I was blindly in love. But what can you say more than just shit happens and you have to live and learn and move on. It was almost like babysitting a child, he had no job was trying to do stuff with his life but it wasn't really working out, and i can admit that he was pretty much taking advantage of the situation, but because love is so blind i closed my eyes to it. I do believe that he did love me for most of the relationship but he lost control because of a family issue and strayed away. i don't want to be bitter i just want to let go and forgive to move on. If i don't forgive I'll never move on so its the best choice.
So as someone said today "love can feel like heaven, but it can also hurt like hell," so please ladies be careful and just stay positive and do whats good for you. In the end of the day its all about you and your happiness and if your man doesn't make you happy let him go, its the best thing you can do for yourself. God Bless and Goodnight.