MY thoughts

and sometimes it still hurts..... a lot.... I wish I can say more but I just can't... I have to stay strong.

Despite some of the bullshit I've been going thru this year I can finally say that I've learned so much about myself and that I'm finally back and comfortable in my skin and HAPPY. One thing that most of us seem to misunderstand at times is that happiness comes within, its inside you and what happy means to me is going to be different from what happy means to you. Others can't make you happy until you yourself find that within. Not your family, your man, your friends, or anyone. It all depends on you and how you define it for yourself. I can finally feel it again, although this might sound cliche to some of you, I feel like my prayers are finally being answered, and I do believe that each and every one of us has a purpose in this life. On a lighter note although very much in relation to this topic, I've been dying and I mean really dying to go to the Lady Gaga concert since this weekend when I found out the show was this week!!!On such short notice I started to se...

I'm not sure where this is going to go but I just know that I want to write. A million things go thru my mind daily. Some positive, some negative, thoughts about my new year, the goals I want to achieve, the target I want to have, my love life, my family problems, my friends, my future, my problems that I want to solve. Sometimes I'm motivated and want to do the best for myself and at times just by seeing one small thing or hearing something that can disappoint me and I lose my focus. Same way one tiny incident or a few caring words from someone even a stranger can pick me back up and throw me back on the train of motivation. It all depends on your surrounding and the people you choose to have with you on the path to a brighter future. It's difficult cutting certain people out of your life but at times its the only choice you have to have a better life. Starting the new year thats one of my resolutions to keep only the positive people around and get rid of all those who a...

Secrets... do you have any? Of course you do everyone does and its ok. It could be good or it could be bad, there are so many different ones. After looking at several art books by Frank Warren called PostSecrets I began to realize that there are def. more than a couple that I can relate to. It's amazing to see all these post cards with all these secrets from people around the world. It makes you realize, learn and look even further into the idea that we're all so different yet so the same because we can relate to so many of the secrets that others have. Some secrets come from fear, loneliness, happiness, regret, etc. These people are anonymously sharing their secret with the whole world, so it becomes public, but thats the irony in this whole project and its what makes it so interesting and compelling. It's when art and spirituality come together, its one of the most interesting books/projects I have come across in a long time. I know I have touched on this in a previous ...

Lately I've been concentrating on being happy and I'm finally on my way to that journey. Remember happiness is a voyage not a destination. It's important to remember that in the end of the day its all about you. Keeping positive is a great way to start your journey to happiness. Try to concentrate on all the good things in your life and ways to keep them that way or even make them better. As for this month I'm super excited about the new work I've been into lately which is Styling and all the pros and cons that come with it. It's FUN! I'm also super excited about the NYE party my friends and I are putting together. Got all the decorations today and its going to be beautiful. This year its better to keep the celebration on an intimate level. It going to be glamourous and I can't wait. If you're going big this NYE please be safe and careful, tis not the year to do big but its all about you and what you make out of it! Don't forget to make all your...

Yesterday was a long interesting day with lots of lessons. Remember that everyday that you live you always learn at least something. My day started off pretty sad I must say it was raining and I wasn't really in the greatest mood but I went with my friends for a little sample sale shopping when I got home my spirits were still down, I set myself to think positive and move forward with the day. I went to have lunch with my mom to tell her something I was keeping from her for over 3 months. I broke up with my boyfriend over a week ago and she had no clue that were even ever back together in the first place and I had a big health scare several weeks ago and I was in and out of the clinic and my mother was very stressed out and she had no clue who was the cause of all this. I finally opened up to her and told her the truth . It was by far the hardest thing to do, but I had to, I've never lied to my mom before. She wasn't happy with the news because she knows that my ex was te...

Just got home from a 16 hr work day at 3 different jobs. Two of them aren't that important just bill payers. But the third one is quite a new thing that I decided to take on. Since I'm into fashion I'm taking a shot at Styling, personal and photo shoots. So I've been assistant a Stylist for several shoots now. It's pretty interesting and fun and I'd love to do it as my professional and eventually make a good living. Art is what lives in me. I love ART all sorts of art and without it I don't know what the meaning of life would be. Anyhow I met the talent for the shoot today, cute guy from a big movie, great body but he was so concerned about being on a diet and even possibly using diet pills to get his body into better shape and get rid of the fat as he said. He was ripped, great figure no fat at all. It just makes you think what this hell hole HOLLYWOOD does to people. They insert this image into people that they have to be immortal and perfect like a doll....

Lets see today I saw something well actually came across something I read that should of made me upset but it didn't at all it actually made me feel better? is that weird ? A person just out of a horrific relationship should of been upset but I was happier  than ever. Strange mmhhhh but def. a positive thing.  On another note my friend just gave me this book as a late birthday gift its called PostSecrets by Frank Warren. It basically post cards send from all over the world with peoples secrets and its all anonymous and this man put them all together into a book, its brilliant. You read these peoples secrets and you can relate to so many and those you cant relate to you almost feel like you know the people that write it, its so personal and teaches you so much about yourself. It's really an amazing book and a quick read with a great message. I def. recommend it. I believe he has about 5 of them, I'm really interested in getting the others.  It's interesting how reading ...

Do you ever wonder.. what if you lived in another state or even another country, what if you were a doctor, a celebrity, a singer, a lawyer etc. It all a fantasy we all have. I always fantasize and try to imagine my life so different. I always wonder how it would be if I just left  everything behind and moved to New York or even Paris how would my life be, and what would I be and what career path would I choose in that predicament? It all imagination and how far you can take it to actually make it a reality. It's an interesting concept. However, normally if you actually follow your fantasy and try to outlive it, you learn thats its quite different from what you've imagined, but its still an amazing experience. To dream and dream big is a great thing to do and it only helps in general to turn your positive thoughts into actions. (I'm not talking about the what if's from your PAST.... only towards the future, theres a huge difference). So whether its a big or small wh...

JUNE 10,2008 from MYSPACE The Aftermath of a Break up of Two people Still in Love  Four walls surround me as I sit in this room full of thoughts that need to be let out. Thoughts of love, someone I love and probably always will. 8 days later I sit in my apartment that we both shared with one vacuum box filled with his clothes as the only reminder of him. Silence rings in my ears as I come to realize that he's not here. He's somewhere else now, because I kicked him out. Not in the living room, where I haven't been since he's been gone, we spend most of our time in that room of the apartment, not next to me in bed when I wake up, not in my presence, just somewhere else, perhaps a friend's house.      As a storm erupts in my eyes I sit here thinking why this happened to me and why its hurts so bad in the organ that produces love. What is love? Its indescribable, it's an extraordinary feeling that no one else can feel accept for you....

One thing you have realize is that people don't change. If by any instance they do its for a short period of time and they usually relapse and go back to the way they were before. You have to either accept them for the who they are or just cut them out of your life.  If anything at all they just GROW to be a better person, that's the most that can actually happen. I've learned that even if you try to change someone you can't you can only teach them a lesson and hope that they learn from it and grow thru the process. This can relate to anyone, a friend, a family member, a lover etc. When it comes to friends its a bit easier, although not always because if you're unhappy with their friendship then you just cut them lose and move on because it simply shows that they shouldn't have been your friend in the first place. If there is a lack of respect between 2 people they shouldn't interact. With family members its gets a little difficult because we tend to ac...

Hi everyone this is my first blog, I haven't really wrote one in quite a long time. I'd like to express myself by revealing my feelings and thoughts from time to time. At this time I'm going thru what you can call a revelation. I've realized that the person I was dating on and off for 3 yrs now has turned out to be a complete stranger to me. I know him inside out probably better than he knows himself but I'd prefer for him to be a stranger from now on. Although we've lived together for about 2 yrs the whole relationship was pretty much on my shoulders because i was the head of the relationship unfortunately because I was blindly in love. But what can you say more than just shit happens and you have to live and learn and move on. It was almost like babysitting a child, he had no job was trying to do stuff with his life but it wasn't really working out, and i can admit that he was pretty much taking advantage of the situation, but because love is so blind i ...