JUNE 10,2008 from MYSPACE
The Aftermath of a Break up of Two people Still in Love
Four walls surround me as I sit in this room full of thoughts that need to be let out. Thoughts of love, someone I love and probably always will. 8 days later I sit in my apartment that we both shared with one vacuum box filled with his clothes as the only reminder of him. Silence rings in my ears as I come to realize that he's not here. He's somewhere else now, because I kicked him out. Not in the living room, where I haven't been since he's been gone, we spend most of our time in that room of the apartment, not next to me in bed when I wake up, not in my presence, just somewhere else, perhaps a friend's house.
As a storm erupts in my eyes I sit here thinking why this happened to me and why its hurts so bad in the organ that produces love. What is love? Its indescribable, it's an extraordinary feeling that no one else can feel accept for you. Love is different for every person. Love can make you be a fool, be blind, be happy and hurt all at the same time.
I'm hurt and I want to rip my feelings and thoughts out of my system and just relax, but its become a burden on my shoulders. I was the best thing this guy had in his life. I did everything that I should have for him as a girlfriend, best friend and part of his family and much more. Was any of it valued ?I don't know, as of right now it doesn't seem that way because if it was valued he'd still be here. One day maybe something will come over him and he'll realize that I could have been the one, who at one point turned his whole life around. As for now I'm left here wondering how can I be left for something such as partying and alcohol, and some kind of stardom? Could that be more important to a man a boy in this case, than love? After the million "I love you's" along with "Will you marry me," Keep in mind he's 25.
As I hear the clock ticking I wonder will he one day be back in my life as my companion or will one day I have to finally come to forgive him for all that he's put me thru? Only time can tell… that word that we all sometimes hate to hear "time"
One must wonder, why did I choose this guy to be my boyfriend? It's a simple yet complicated answer. He was a friend of a friend whom I got to see pretty often although I never paid much attention to him he observed every move that I made and fell in love with the real me. There are a lot of sides of me, the bitchy me, the sophisticated smart me, and then me that's a bit different from most, some people call me unique.
On his third try a friend of mine convinced me to finally give him a chance, so I went for it for what reason I don't remember, it might have been spontaneity. And from then on, we became a couple, a pretty good one. I mean third times is a charm right? That's a joke. We were happy for a while, he more than I because he finally got me. The girl that he once told his father before we started dating, he was going to marry. It was a fairytale alright that turned at some point after the 10 or some break-ups into a nightmare. It was definitely a rollercoaster ride, but who knows maybe if we're meant to be together, our paths will cross again after all.
To be continued….