Saturday, December 12, 2009


Just got home from a 16 hr work day at 3 different jobs. Two of them aren't that important just bill payers. But the third one is quite a new thing that I decided to take on. Since I'm into fashion I'm taking a shot at Styling, personal and photo shoots. So I've been assistant a Stylist for several shoots now. It's pretty interesting and fun and I'd love to do it as my professional and eventually make a good living. Art is what lives in me. I love ART all sorts of art and without it I don't know what the meaning of life would be.
Anyhow I met the talent for the shoot today, cute guy from a big movie, great body but he was so concerned about being on a diet and even possibly using diet pills to get his body into better shape and get rid of the fat as he said. He was ripped, great figure no fat at all. It just makes you think what this hell hole HOLLYWOOD does to people. They insert this image into people that they have to be immortal and perfect like a doll. It's terrible we're people none of us are perfect and thats what makes us all so unique and different. If you live in this town please try to stay true to yourself. I've done it and I've lived here for more than 15 yrs now. If I can do it so can you.
G-d Bless, Goodnight

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thoughts for today...

Lets see today I saw something well actually came across something I read that should of made me upset but it didn't at all it actually made me feel better? is that weird ? A person just out of a horrific relationship should of been upset but I was happier  than ever. Strange mmhhhh but def. a positive thing. 

On another note my friend just gave me this book as a late birthday gift its called PostSecrets by Frank Warren. It basically post cards send from all over the world with peoples secrets and its all anonymous and this man put them all together into a book, its brilliant. You read these peoples secrets and you can relate to so many and those you cant relate to you almost feel like you know the people that write it, its so personal and teaches you so much about yourself. It's really an amazing book and a quick read with a great message. I def. recommend it. I believe he has about 5 of them, I'm really interested in getting the others. 
It's interesting how reading a book can change your life in some way or even a quote, its powerful.
Think about it.....

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What if.....

Do you ever wonder.. what if you lived in another state or even another country, what if you were a doctor, a celebrity, a singer, a lawyer etc. It all a fantasy we all have.
I always fantasize and try to imagine my life so different. I always wonder how it would be if I just left  everything behind and moved to New York or even Paris how would my life be, and what would I be and what career path would I choose in that predicament?
It all imagination and how far you can take it to actually make it a reality. It's an interesting concept.
However, normally if you actually follow your fantasy and try to outlive it, you learn thats its quite different from what you've imagined, but its still an amazing experience. To dream and dream big is a great thing to do and it only helps in general to turn your positive thoughts into actions. (I'm not talking about the what if's from your PAST.... only towards the future, theres a huge difference).
So whether its a big or small what if ...try it and see what happens. It should be very interesting and you'll def. learn something about yourself in the process.
Goodnight and G-d Bless!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Deja Vu ... A blog I wrote on Myspace over a year ago... Wow.

JUNE 10,2008 from MYSPACE
The Aftermath of a Break up of Two people Still in Love 
Four walls surround me as I sit in this room full of thoughts that need to be let out. Thoughts of love, someone I love and probably always will. 8 days later I sit in my apartment that we both shared with one vacuum box filled with his clothes as the only reminder of him. Silence rings in my ears as I come to realize that he's not here. He's somewhere else now, because I kicked him out. Not in the living room, where I haven't been since he's been gone, we spend most of our time in that room of the apartment, not next to me in bed when I wake up, not in my presence, just somewhere else, perhaps a friend's house.

     As a storm erupts in my eyes I sit here thinking why this happened to me and why its hurts so bad in the organ that produces love. What is love? Its indescribable, it's an extraordinary feeling that no one else can feel accept for you. Love is different for every person. Love can make you be a fool, be blind, be happy and hurt all at the same time. 

     I'm hurt and I want to rip my feelings and thoughts out of my system and just relax, but its become a burden on my shoulders. I was the best thing this guy had in his life. I did everything that I should have for him as a girlfriend, best friend and part of his family and much more. Was any of it valued ?I don't know, as of right now it doesn't seem that way because if it was valued he'd still be here. One day maybe something will come over him and he'll realize that I could have been the one, who at one point turned his whole life around. As for now I'm left here wondering how can I be left for something such as partying and alcohol, and some kind of stardom? Could that be more important to a man a boy in this case, than love? After the million "I love you's" along with "Will you marry me," Keep in mind he's 25.

     As I hear the clock ticking I wonder will he one day be back in my life as my companion or will one day I have to finally come to forgive him for all that he's put me thru? Only time can tell… that word that we all sometimes hate to hear "time"

     One must wonder, why did I choose this guy to be my boyfriend? It's a simple yet complicated answer. He was a friend of a friend whom I got to see pretty often although I never paid much attention to him he observed every move that I made and fell in love  with the real me. There are a lot of sides of me, the bitchy me, the sophisticated smart me, and then me that's a bit different from most, some people call me unique.

     On his third try a friend of mine convinced me to finally give him a chance, so I went for it for what reason I don't remember, it might have been spontaneity. And from then on, we became a couple, a pretty good one. I mean third times is a charm right? That's a joke. We were happy for a while, he more than I because he finally got me. The girl that he once told his father before we started dating, he was going to marry. It was a fairytale alright that turned at some point after the 10 or some break-ups into a nightmare. It was definitely a rollercoaster ride, but who knows maybe if we're meant to be together, our paths will cross again after all.

To be continued….

People Don't Change

One thing you have realize is that people don't change. If by any instance they do its for a short period of time and they usually relapse and go back to the way they were before. You have to either accept them for the who they are or just cut them out of your life.  If anything at all they just GROW to be a better person, that's the most that can actually happen. I've learned that even if you try to change someone you can't you can only teach them a lesson and hope that they learn from it and grow thru the process.
This can relate to anyone, a friend, a family member, a lover etc.

When it comes to friends its a bit easier, although not always because if you're unhappy with their friendship then you just cut them lose and move on because it simply shows that they shouldn't have been your friend in the first place. If there is a lack of respect between 2 people they shouldn't interact.

With family members its gets a little difficult because we tend to accept them as who they are no matter what because they're blood relatives, of course not in all cases. But remember that family is very important and if you can help them GROW you're basically helping yourself as well, they are a part of you, and in most cases will be there thru thick and thin.

With a lover, if a person promises you  the world, and promises you to change and be a better person its usually all words with no actions to follow. I'm speaking from experience. You can sit there and fantasize about oh how he or she will change and make you happy again but its really not about you, its about them. You can't do anything to change them you can either wait for them to grow or let go. Yes of course you can teach them things and hope that someday it will make them a better person but none of it is guaranteed. You can just be thankful for the lessons you've learned thru the relationship.

The point is that you cannot change anyone and no one can change you. You are who you are and people can either accept it or move on. However you can become a better person thru growth but its all on you and how you want to take the next step to being a good friend, lover, sibling, son, daughter, mother, father, etc.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

just thoughts.... after being in a trap

Hi everyone this is my first blog, I haven't really wrote one in quite a long time. I'd like to express myself by revealing my feelings and thoughts from time to time. At this time I'm going thru what you can call a revelation. I've realized that the person I was dating on and off for 3 yrs now has turned out to be a complete stranger to me. I know him inside out probably better than he knows himself but I'd prefer for him to be a stranger from now on. Although we've lived together for about 2 yrs the whole relationship was pretty much on my shoulders because i was the head of the relationship unfortunately because I was blindly in love. But what can you say more than just shit happens and you have to live and learn and move on. It was almost like babysitting a child, he had no job was trying to do stuff with his life but it wasn't really working out, and i can admit that he was pretty much taking advantage of the situation, but because love is so blind i closed my eyes to it. I do believe that he did love me for most of the relationship but he lost control because of a family issue and strayed away. i don't want to be bitter i just want to let go and forgive to move on. If i don't forgive I'll never move on so its the best choice.
So as someone said today "love can feel like heaven, but it can also hurt like hell," so please ladies be careful and just stay positive and do whats good for you. In the end of the day its all about you and your happiness and if your man doesn't make you happy let him go, its the best thing you can do for yourself. God Bless and Goodnight.